Tuesday, March 29, 2005


I feel it is necessary to pass along something of great importance and gravity. I have discovered something that will, no doubt, change the way we as human beings function in our day-to-day lives.

What I have discovered, now perhaps you should sit, is that my laptop computer can actually be used on my lap! Yes, I know, my breath was taken away upon this discovery. Let me explain how I came about this new and exciting discovery. I was in a “writing” mood, but I also wanted to watch Latter Days on Digital Video Disk while toiling away on my laptop (yes, some most of the dialogue in this Motion Picture can be cringe-inducing, but I’m a romantic. So, shut up). It would have been difficult to write and watch my movie using my Sony Progressive Scan Digital Video Disk Player because the table my laptop resides is in the kitchen of my apartment; I would not be able to see the Television Set, and, therefore, Latter Days. Most tragic. Along with the realization that one can use a laptop computer on one’s lap, I also realized the power cable could be unplugged from the electrical socket in my kitchen and plugged into the electrical socket next to my couch! Yes, the mysteries of laptop computing just keep coming. Not only did I discover I could use my laptop ON MY LAP, but I realized I could even surf the web while my laptop was ON MY LAP! I’ll let these new discoveries sink in a bit……..All sunk in? Good.

Well, after all these discoveries, I not only watched Latter Days, I watched Stars Wars, as well. Well, I called my sister to tell her of my discovery, she expressed her surprise that I had made this great find, and then she asked me how “the tying my shoes thing” was progressing. I don’t know what she’s talking about, I learned to tie my shoes last year. Sheesh! I’m sure, she’s just jealous I figured this out before she did.

So feel free to let everyone you know about my discovery. I suspect this will revolutionize the computing industry.

Now if I can just figure out what the blinking 12:00 on my Video Cassette Recorder is…

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Supreme Dream

In an effort to fulfill my self-imposed rule of at least one posting a week, I give you a strange dream I experienced:

I was at a dinner in the U.S. Supreme Court building in Washington D.C., the dinner was to honor William H. Rehnquist, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. All the other Justices were sitting a the table bathed in yellow light, the walls were adorned with white silk with the glow of soft yellow light emanating from behin. A voice announced the arrival of the Chief Justice. William Rehnquist entered the room through a door to my left and as he passed me, he turned to me and said, “it shows a lack of respect to stand behind me like that.” I didn’t think much of his comment except to mentally file that piece of protocol away for future dinners/events.

As the Chief Justice took his seat, he turned to me and waved me over. As I walked over, I realized the Chief Justice did not look like William Rehnquist at all; he looked like former Chief Justice Earl Warren. Strange. Even though the Chief Justice looked like Earl Warren, I, and everyone else at the dinner, knew he was in fact, William H. Rehnquist, the current Chief Justice. As I walked over I noticed a lively conversation between Justices John Paul Stevens and Sandra Day O’Connor. As I passed Stevens and O’Connor, O’Connor looked at me and nodded. When I finally got to where Rehnquist was sitting, I leaned down to hear what he wanted. He told me he wanted to send flowers to three girls, “the ones with the pageboy haircuts.” Now, at this point in my story, I need to tell you that in this dream, I was still attending SFSU for a degree in European History (emphasis in Renaissance Italy and Medieval France). Now I did not know any girls with a pageboy haircut, but I somehow knew whom he was talking about. I said I would see that the three girls got their flowers. Now, as Rehnquist was telling me this, I suddenly got the feeling that this was the last dinner William Rehnquist would ever have and that this was his last wish. When Rehnquist was finished, the thought that I had just been given the last instructions of The Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, I turned to see Justice O’Connor smiling and nodding at me. And the dream ended.

Because dream interpretation can be fun, feel free to give me you thoughts.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Christopher Rice's Light Before Day

Christopher Rice's new novel, Light Before Day is a thriller/mystery that takes place, in West Hollywood and various towns in California's Central Valley. The story opens in the Central Valley town of Avenal with Janet Hughes, a transplant from San Francisco. Janet is a schoolteacher that has, what seems, a strange fixation on one of her students who lives in a run down trailer park that consists of only six trailers. We learn that the young student, Caden McCormick, is always unwashed, wears dirty clothes and is nearly in a state of perpetual shock; Caden is quiet and keeps to himself. It is during a class assignment that the reader learns just how disturbed and disturbing Caden's life actually is; drawing what is supposed to be a family tree, Caden instead draws a picture of a dog with drawn like a grotesque monster, its gaping jaws twice the size of the rest of its body." In the background of the picture, Caden has drawn a dark figure without a face, its head rounded slightly as if it were wearing a helmet of some kind. On the back of the picture, Caden has written, "He's a demon, He comes every night now." And so begins Rice's new novel, Light Before Day.

With an intriguing beginning, the reader is taken to West Hollywood and the novel's central character, Adam Murphy. Adam is a young aspiring investigative reporter with demons usually associated with more weathered characters of crime novels. To emphasize his problems, we learn that Adam drinks heavily to the point of black outs and uses drugs regularly. Working for a glossy gay mens magazine that is often confused for an underwear catalog by the deliverymen, Adam, with a need to prove himself, is searching for a story that will be his big break into the world of journalism. His break seems to come when he finds out about a Marine helicopter pilot that has crashed his Huey into the Pacific Ocean, killing himself and three other Marines. The Pilot was seen the night before the helicopter crash with a man known to be the pimp that brings for the wealthy gays of Hollywood boys to use for their own pleasure. With this revelation, Adam smells a story about a closeted Marine that couldn't handle being outed as gay and starts to pursue his instinct that leads him to places where he never imagined.

I was a bit worried about how the novel was going to proceed for the first four chapters. The first few chapters are choppy and unsure of themselves, leading me to worry that the whole book was going to be full of fits and starts. It is not until we get to the point where the reader is introduced to James Wilton, a gruff, best selling crime novelist who is interested in the story Adam is pursuing about the Marine. It is when Wilton enters the picture that Rice seems to find his voice, almost a kind of clarity, to his narrative that was lacking in the previous chapters. It is telling that the Wilton character is based in large part on Rice's real father, the poet, Stan Rice who died two years ago. The Wilton character is the father figure for Adam Murphy and is, in large part, there to show Murphy the ropes of crime writing and ivestigation. During the time with Wilton, we learn the Marine's death is not simply because of a closeted service member's fear of being outed, but that of a gay pedophile ring the Marine is involved with.

With the help of Wilton, Murphy begins to learn more and more about the Marine's death, pedophilia and the connection with the Crystal Methamphetamine epidemic that has hit West Hollywood and the Central Valey. With further investigation, Murphy learns that he is more involved with the mystery than he thought . Through out the story, we are taken on a ride that seems implausible, yet in the skilled hands of Rice, the nearly implausable becomes plausable. Taking the reader from the wealthy homes of the Hollywood elite to the apartments of the Meth addicts of West Hollywood and the run down shacks in the Central Valley, we are taken on a complicated ride that takes us to places we never expected.

How the character of Janet Hughes ties in with the Marine and a pedophile ring is complex, but Rice tells it with relative ease and understanding; this is not to say the reader can sit back and let the story flow over you, one must pay close attention. As the story progresses we learn more about the secret pedophile ring that is more than meets the eye. It is the surprise ending that makes Light Before Day ultimately a satisfying read making this reader anxious for the Christopher Rice's next novel.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Hollywood Flash Bash: The Video

My dear friendTami has just informed me that the video for Hollywood Flash Bash 2005 is now online. I encourage everyone to take a trip over to Flash Bash and check it out. The production values alone are worth the wait!

I recommend using the 10MB downloadable version.


Sunday, March 13, 2005

This and That

A few days ago I had a complete electronics breakdown, DVD player and CD/Tape/Radio went capute, capoote? Kapoot? Kapute? Whatever. They broke. Well, I think the tape player still works, but who has tapes anymore? If you have tapes, you're a loser. That's right I said it. LOSER! Okay, to be honest, I did not have a complete breakdown of electronics, my TV and Laptop still work (Magnavox Colour TV-MS Word won’t let me spell colour with a “u” Interesting- and a Macintosh PowerBook Titanium G4, y'all! Yes, I was one of the first kids on the block to buy the PowerBook G4 when it was made out of Titanium. I'm a trendsetter, I am. What?) Actually, the CD/Tape/Radio gizmo stopped playing CDs a while ago, but I kept it so I could route the DVD player through it so I could watch DVDs in stereo. I tell ya, watching porn in stereo? Awesome. Really. Oh, and yes, my TV is not stereophonic. Don’t ask. It was a gift from dear old Mom and Dad. Well, at least they got me a colour TV; could have been worse, I suppose. So, my ability to watch porn in stereo is seriously compromised (I could watch it on VHS, but it takes too long to fast forward through the boring parts, i.e., the dialogue. And I wouldn’t get to see all the cool extras that come with every DVD! That would suck. Out takes and bloopers for Porn? Priceless. Now many of you just might be asking, “why, Michael, why don’t you just go out and buy a new DVD player? They’re cheap!” And I would respond, “why yes, concerned reader, DVD players are cheap, but you see, concerned reader, my DVD player currently has Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss held hostage." How is it being held hostage? The damn thing won’t open and give me my DVD back! Now, fortunately, this is a DVD I happen to own and, therefore, do not need t return by a certain time, but still, it is annoying. Long story ending, I need to take apart my DVD player and retrieve my movie before throwing it out the window in a stereotypical display of “gay rage.”

Oh, damn, it’s 9:00 am, I have to get to the gym. Back in a bit.

Okay, I’m back. Where was I? Oh, yes. DVD player not working and I need to buy a new one. At some point. Soon. You know, I could have just said my DVD player isn’t working and need to buy a new one, making this a much shorter post. Oh, well.


I went out and bought Christopher Rice’s new book, Light Before Day. I might finish it today unless one of my many friends calls and wants to do something…Hello? Friends?........Fine, fuck off! I don’t need you! I’ve got my DVDs…oh, wait..um…I’ve got my books to keep me company. So, if I finish Rice’s book today, I’ll post what I think of it later. Sound good? Good. I’m happy. Are you happy?

Hope you are all having a good day.


One more thing.
The other day, I was standing at the stoplight on corner 17th and Castro and this women walks by me and says to me, with some derision, “work out much?” And walks off. Now anyone that knows me, knows that, yes, I do work out. Normally this might be construed as a compliment, if it were not for the fact that, A.) She said it with derision. B.) She was, honest to god, HUGE! And not huge in the tall sense, I mean huge as in barely able to walk. I wasn’t sure why she felt compelled to say this to me. After all, I live in the Castro where being a gym rat is not uncommon. So, you know, WTF? As she was walking past me, I almost wanted to say to her, “eat much?” But I didn’t because I didn’t think that would be nice. Now I’m not a body fascist by any means. If someone doesn’t want to go to the gym, fine by me, I don’t care one way or the other. So, I was a little taken back by her comment.

You know, after re-reading this last paragraph, I do sound, maybe, a little bit of a body fascist.

Anyway, I just thought that was a strange thing to happen.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


I've done some editing to "My Lovely"; not sure if it makes it any better, really. One thing I've learned about tyring to write? I have a lot to learn. I really need to take some writing classes so I can make my ideas become reality. I need to make my stories flow better, be less choppy. No wonder so many writer are alcoholic. ;-)


You Wish

It's all about the Gilmore

I want to host a Quentin Tarantino theme party, buy an obscenely expensive RV and tell my mom to "Shut Up!" (Well, not really tell my mom to shut up - maybe someone else. I like my mom. I do. What?)

Alas, this is what happens to me after watching The Gilmore Girls


Sunday, March 06, 2005

Blow Me

Bubblegum - You have an expansive personality but are easily deflated. However, everyone admires your flexibility and resiliance. Resist your tendency toward clinginess. Your ideal job: Actuary. Marry a Twinkie or Bridge Mix, but never a Fried Fruit Pie.
Born in 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017.

What's your Snack Food Chinese Zodiac?

Saturday, March 05, 2005

My Lovely (slightly edited on 3/9/2005)

I kept waiting for it to come. The deluge. I had sent her my phone number, address, IM and email to her; she certainly received them, right? I gave her all my contact information, how to get a hold of me night and day, anytime. I even sent her my itineraries for the vacations I planned (all changed so I could go to L.A.)

Wow, I remember when I first noticed her, I knew she was a talent that could not be held back. It was her first film that caught my eye. The artistry and the daring use of night vision to capture what a standard camera could never capture: Passion. Raw passion. I knew the moment I saw this piece of cinematic mastery, that I had to meet this extraordinary performer. Seeing the emotion, the pure ecstasy on her face in this film, I knew she was “in the moment.” I knew she was acting, yet, I felt that what I was seeing on the screen was real- a sure sign of a great actress. Her performance was even more astonishing when I found out how young she was. I knew I had to find this complex, and yet, so young an actress.

I started the search for more information about her on the web, and to my surprise I was not the only one enamored with this new this fearless and dynamic actress. I was surprised that there were literally hundreds of places on the web with information on this film and its star. Even with the overwhelming number of web pages dedicated to her, I was determined to read them all just to find any nugget about her. I quickly found what I was looking for, her name: Paris. Ahh, surely this was serendipitous. With a name like Paris, I knew she was a world-class women with world class culture and intelligence. Paris’ parents saw I what I see now, a beauty destined for greatness. But I wanted more. Upon further research, I found a news site with a story about how My Lovely Paris was deeply embarrassed by the very film I found to be so amazing in its passion and authenticity. I could not understand why My Lovely Paris would be embarrassed. I wanted to express my feelings of admiration for her and her wonderful talent let her know she had nothing to be embarrassed about. I needed to tell her I watched that same film over and over and over again. The only time I stopped watching was when my boss called enquiring about where I had been for the last week and why I hadn’t been to work. When I explained why I was missing work, he said he understood and that I needn’t come to work until I pulled myself together. I had no idea my boss would be so understanding; he let me have all the time I needed to, as he put it, “figure things out.” Why, he even gave me a phone number of a doctor he told me might be able to help. I never was able to call the doctor, I’ve been so busy trying to get a hold of My Lovely Paris. I just hadn’t had the time what with planning all the trips to L.A.

With renewed vigor knowing my boss was behind me 100%, I continued my search. After several more days, I finally came across a “fan” site for My Lovely Paris. Well, I wouldn’t call it a fan site; it was full of ridicule and hatred for her talent (there seemed to be so many like this; obviously there is a lot of jealousy because of My Lovely Paris’ talent.) But within this hateful site, I found an address I could use to finally contact My Lovely Paris. I quickly sat down to write a letter explaining how she had changed my life, how if we could meet, I would be forever grateful and in her debt.

After completing the letter, I ran down to the local Postal Service Branch to buy stamps and send it off to My Lovely Paris. After posting the letter I felt as light as air, I was dancing down the street with joy. I waited a week for My Lovely Paris to reply to my letter. Nothing came. I waited for another week. And another. And another. And another. Concerned that my letter hadn’t arrived at My Lovely Paris’ address; that The Postal Service had failed in their sacred duty, I marched down to the Postal Service Branch and demanded to know if my letter was delivered to My Lovely Paris! The Postal Service Employee told me that if the letter were addressed correctly, it would have arrived at its destination. She then had the audacity to question whether I had written the proper address on the envelope! “Of course I had written the proper address!” I yelled (pounding the desk repeatedly to show I was serious. I have found pounding on something helps to get one’s point across.) Because I am such an expressive individual, the Postal Service Employee backed up to give me room so I could properly express myself. I find that people will do this often as I walk down the street discussing with myself how my day went. People are nice that way. I like that I am given my space. Out of obvious concern for my plight, the Postal Service Employee asked that I leave and that perhaps I should write the letter again and send through another Postal Service Branch. I knew what she was getting at; she was trying to tell me, without jeopardizing her job, that the particular Postal Service Branch tended to lose mail. I nodded and said, “Yes, yes. Different branch. Send a new letter from a different branch.” I winked at her to let her know that her secret was safe with me – I really felt we bonded at that moment. I really should go back and say “hi” to her some day. I think she would like that. As I left the Postal Service Branch, in my head, I was already composing the new letter.

As I was walking down the street, it struck me, I didn’t want there to be a chance that my next letter to be lost in the mail. I decided what I had to do was to mail multiple copies of the same letter from different Postal Service Branches. When I got home, I found the White Pages to see where all the Postal Service Branches in the city were located. I found that are 37 Postal Service Branches in the city. I quickly composed my letter, tore the pages from my spiral notebook and ran down to the local copy shop. I bought 37 envelopes and made 37 copies of my letter to be sent to My Lovely Paris. It took me all day to mail these; I had t figure out which bus route to take to get to the 37 Postal Service Branches. By the time I was done, I knew I had ensured My Lovely Paris would receive my letters.

Again I waited for My Lovely Paris to reply. I waited and waited. It troubled me that My Lovely Paris hadn’t responded. Surely this wonderful vision of beauty and grace would have written me back! I made sure the letters included everything there is to know about me. How I like to take long walks at night through the neighborhood and look into the houses to see what my neighbors are doing. It really is fascinating how different people are! I told her how when my dog died when I was a kid, my father had good old Scruffy stuffed and mounted over the fireplace so we wold never forget him. There was so much I told her, surely she would want to know more. I gave her a rundown of my daily routine, my itinerary for the trip to L.A. to see her. I told her everything! But she hadn’t written back. I was at a loss. I needed time to think. I thought that maybe I had insulted her. Or someone read the letter and was jealous of our friendship and made sure Paris’ letter back to me never got mailed – those Hollywood types can be that way, you know. I hopde that wasn’t the case. After all, she is My Lovely Paris.

Well, like I do so often when I need to think, I took a long walk. I found myself standing in front of the office building I work in downtown. It was nice to see the place, I hadn’t been there in weeks so I decided to go up and visit my boss on the 4th floor. I decided to go on up and ask why he hadn’t returned my calls (I had been calling him to see if it was okay that I take off more time.) As I entered the building, the security guard stopped me and told me I was not allowed to enter the building. I understood; the building must have been conducting a fire drill. Happens all the time. I told the Security Guard I would wait out front. I waited for hours to see my boss. Finally at 5:10 my boss came out. Seeing me for the first time in weeks, he naturally looked surprised. I explained to him that his voice mail wasn’t working because I had left at least a dozen messages the day before. He agreed that his voice mail must not have been working properly and that he’d check into it. He also said he understood that I was under a lot of stress and that I needn’t come into to work anymore until I find the help I need. It turns out he and the other managers were discussing how best to handle my case. Isn’t it wonderful how concerned they are for me! They even said “case” like some detective show. I felt like I was in an episode of NYPD Blue. I really should send him some jam for showing such concern. I thanked him for his concern and told him I would let him know how my search was going. He said I needn’t worry about keeping him abreast of any details, he wanted to be left out of it. I understood why he said I didn’t need to tell him, he clearly wanted me to spend all my energy trying to contact My Lovely Paris. People are so nice.

As my boss backed through the entrance of office building, I noticed a black limousine slowly pulling up beside me and stop. From the front seat of the limousine, a large and burly man approached me and asked me if I was _______. I said, “Yes, I am my good sir.” He looked to the back of the limo where, through the partly opened window, I heard a woman say, “do it.” As the window rolled up, I could have sworn I saw a Chihwawa in the back seat. Before I blacked out, I remember thinking that My Lovely Paris has a dog just like that.

Oh, it was a couple of days after that when I heard about how My Lovely Paris’ cell phone was “hacked.” That’s when I realized I was going to have to change my phone number, email addresses and IM. After all, My Lovely Paris had all my information; I had sent it to her so many times, surely she kept all my contact information with all her other friends information? After all, I am My Lovely Paris’ most loyal friend. But it had been weeks since this terrible theft took place, and I haven’t been called, IM'd, or emailed. Surely those terrible thieves would have crank called me by now? Maybe My Lovely Paris kept my information in a special place. That must be it. I’ll write her another letter and ask if this is what she has done. I would understand, I have a special place for all my photos of My Lovely Paris hidden where no one could possibly find them. Because they are mine. All mine. I quickly wrote a quick note to My Lovely Paris, ran down to the copy center to make the usual 37 copies, stuffed the envelopes with my precious letter to My Lovely Paris. Much to my surprise, I found that the Postal Service Branches were all closed! I was so disappointed. I would have walked around my neighborhood to clear my head like I usually do, but I was tired. I decided to rent a movie and just relax., so I went down to my local video store to see if there was anything I haven’t seen yet. As I was perusing the shelves, I noticed a movie I had yet to view. It’s called Mean Girls. It’s with this new actress named Lindsey Lohan. From the picture on the video box, I can tell I am going to really like this new actress. She looks lovely.