Tuesday, November 22, 2005

It Sucks

Am I weird for really wanting this

The vacuum trails this would leave.....Mmmmmm, vacuum trails....

Christmas is coming, you know.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Look To The Sky

I heard that the first teaser for Superman Returns was going to play sometime during that train wreck of a show, Smallville, so I endured flipping back and forth from show to show in the hope I would catch the trailer for the movie coming out in 2006. I was fortunate enough to land on The WB at the time the trailer was to be broadcast. I, of course, became giddy with excitement when the "The Following Preview Is Approved For All Audiences," appeared on my TV screen, when John Williams' trumpety theme started, I could feel the emotions swell up as Jor-El's voice-over started. With the John Williams theme music and Jor-El's voice, along with the nostalgia of Superman: The Movie, I recalled what magic the original film held for me as a 9 year old (I am excluding the sequels- those sucked). I was in bliss.

After watching the trailer, I started to think about how I felt about the trailer, the anticipation, the emotions, the nostalgial for Superman. The thing that makes Superman so special to so many, is the feeling of hope and goodness that Superman represents (god knows, we can use some hope and goodness right now.) With all that is happening in the world, our own country from a dubious war, a President no one trusts, and, what I think, is a loss of pride of being an American, I think a movie like Superman Returns is just the escape we all need (the fact Brandon Routh is hot doesn't hurt, either).

I won't go into my theory that super heroes are essentially God identified.

You can see the trailer here.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


This post was removed by the author because it was stupid
...and that's saying something...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Stand Tall...Actually, I'll Just Sit

I have a confession.

Whenever possible, I will sit down when I pee. Now this may not be such a strange thing to say, write maybe, but say, maybe not. Or maybe it is? I don’t know. I just know I do not like to stand at a urinal or a toilet and pee.

I’ll explain the genesis of how I became a…sitter.

Growing up in Southern California one wears shorts a lot. Why does wearing shorts have to do with standing up while peeing? Well, when I was a child I remember a day I had an epiphany. Now this epiphany, one could say, changed how I looked at using the bathroom. It was one day, in the summer I believe, and I was wearing shorts, O.P., probably (those were the shorts everyone wore when I was a kid), and I needed to use the bathroom. I proceeded to enter the bathroom to do my business, and my business I did. But, while doing my business, standing, mind you, I realized something that my Virgo sensibilities rebelled against. I realized that when one stands at a toilet to pee, there is some amount of "splash back." This splash back inevitably hits one’s legs, and when one is wearing shorts, the splash hits bare legs. To say I found this extraordinarily uncomfortable, what with the unsanitary considerations of what splash back meant. I mean, what do you think was contained in that splash back? Pure natural spring water? Hah! Not hardly... oh, I feel it necessary to also tell you the other reason why I stand when I do my number one business: the sound of…of the splashing in a toilet. Now all you men out there no what I am talking about! You are standing over the throne, doing your business with all that disgusting splash back, and along with the splash back you get the noise of water hitting water. There is no noise, besides fingernails on a chalkboard, that I cannot stand than the splashing noise created when one stands to pee. I think it is tacky to allow that kind of noise to emanate from the bathroom. So, there is another reason why I will stand, especially if I am at someone else’s house. One should be as quiet as possible when doing one’s business in the bathroom, especially at someone else's home.

At this point in the story, I, again, feel it necessary to explain a bit about myself as I was in my years prior to becoming a fully "functioning" adult. Now many of my friends are familiar with my clean ways. Chad Fox has even requested that I come over to his place to clean it. Mikey has called wondering why I would vacuum for two minutes, stop, and about 15 minutes later, vacuum again (I was vacuuming during the commercial breaks of Buffy The Vampire Slayer). Well, I was very much the same way when I was a child, only when I was a child, my need to have a clean place to live was at near chemical imbalance levels. I can recall I would routinely get up in the middle of the night to clean my room simply because I couldn’t stand the fact that my room was a mess. I can recall lying in bed, the lights out, my brother already asleep in the bunk below me, my mind racing with thoughts of how there were clothes on the floor and dust on the dresser. Now remember, I shard a bedroom with my older brother and like most older brothers, mine was a slob, and his lack of the "need to clean gene", drove me crazy. So I would often in the middle of the night just get up, switch on the light, and start to pick up the room. This never really went over well with my brother as the time of my nocturnal cleanings generally took place at around 1 or 2 in the morning. So I can only guess what went through my brother’s mind when the bedroom light would turn on at 2 in the morning and I would start to pick up dirty clothes, dust and vacuum our room. I can remember many yelling matches we would have in the wee hours of the morning, those fights being broken up by a disheveled and groggy mother. My poor, poor mother.

So, my need for cleanliness naturally flowed, if you will pardon the expression, into using the bathroom. As I said, I realized that when one pees standing up there is splash back, and what is in that splash back? Urine. Now urine, for those that care, is something the body doesn’t want anymore, so why in god's name would I want any of it on me? Urine is a waste product that the body needs to get rid of. It is toxic! If the inside of my body doesn’t feel the need to keep it inside, why would I want it on my outside? See my point? When I realized what was splashing onto my legs, I was disgusted and vowed there and then to never pee standing up if at all possible. Honestly, who wants excrement on their legs? It’s just gross. But, of course, as with any rules, there are exceptions. One is when I am at a bar. If you ever went into a bar’s bathroom, the idea of sitting on a toilet, even if there is one of those butt gaskets available, is out of the question. The second reason is…well, if the toilet is just too gross.

So, there you are, gentle readers, why I sit down when it is time for me to use the little boys room.

And no Chad, I cannot come over and clean your apartment.

I would also like to take this time to apologize to my new neighbors living below me for my odd vacuuming habits.

Of course, now I fear I have pretty much made any of my friends too frightened to come and visit me in my apartment for fear they may insult my delicate Virgo sensibilities. To all my friends, please, come on over, sit, and relax. Don’t let my neurosis frighten you away!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Drive By Review: Chicken Little

If the sky is falling, hopefully this movie will go with it.

Monday, November 07, 2005


When did roll-along luggage replace the shopping cart for the homeless?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The Castro + Halloween = "Shut Up! I Have To Work Tomorrow, I Need To Sleep

The Castro is considered one of the Gay Meccas. I suppose it is...Unfortunately. Now usually when I tell someone I live in the Castro, the response I get is something along the lines of, "oh my gawd, that must be so great," or "wow, I wish I could live in a place so accepting." Yeah, yeah, whatever. I just have to say living in the Castro is fine most of the time except on two occasions; the first is Gay Pride/Pink Saturday, and the second is Halloween (especially if Halloween falls on a week day as it did last night.)

Let me explain.

As many may know, when it is Halloween in San Francisco, The Castro essentially shuts down from 19th street down Castro Street, across 18th (18th is shut down from Noe up to Eureka) all the way to Market and then from Market to Church. Now for the uninitiated to the geography of this area, that is about 4 or 5 blocks of major city streets shut down for a party (Market Street being THE major city street in The City!) Now to give you an idea of how large this little gathering is, the police estimated there were about 300,000 people in attendance last night. 300,000 people. At night. A week night. A week night when I have to work the next morning. And there lies my bitchfest.

Now this is not just a bunch of streets being shut down so people can walk around and look at all the costumes/freaks, no, there is a DJ. Two DJs. Both of these DJs are set up about two blocks from my apartment (one even had a large screen behind him with psychedelic images flashing. So imagine if you will, me sitting in my apartment. 10:00 pm-ish. Time for me to go bed. Now imagine two DJs playing the standard circuit party soundtrack, both a block or two from my front door. Now both of these DJs are using sound system's normally used to invade small South Asian countries. On a Monday night. Mondays are generally followed by Tuesday. Now, Tuesday, being a weeknight and all, means I have to work the next day. Unfortunately, I have to endure the Boom, Boom, Boom of the DJs music until midnight (when the cops are supposed to shut the party down). Now one might think that once midnight rolls around, the noise would stop. No. It. Doesn't. Even with the music stopped, the people keep going (right under my window, it would seem. And many of these people have drums!(?)) Anyway, long story short, I did not get to "sleep" until around 1:30 or 2:00 am while all the revelers slowly left The Castro so they could go home and sleep, no doubt taking today off because that's what people do, they plan ahead and take the next day off from work when Halloween in the Castro falls on a weeknight, whereas I had to get up at 6:30 am to get ready for work.

I didn't plan ahead, I should have taken the day off. I am a bad gay. Fuck. I. Am. Tired.

The moral of the story, kiddies?
1) The Castro can suck two times a year.
2) Take the following day off from work if Halloween is on a weeknight.
3) Gay Mecca? Phffffft!