Sunday, November 04, 2007

To The Family At The Laundry

I would like to thank you for allowing your children to run up and down the tables that are used to fold clean clothes at the laundry this afternoon. When you and your kids walked into the laundry, you with your dirty wifebeater and plastic garbage bag full of clothes, I knew I was in for something special. Little did I know how special.
When you lifted your little kids brats up onto the the folding table and allowed them to run around on top of the folding table, I could see you were man of class and refinement. When you handed the little hellians some hard candy, butterscotch, I beleive it was, I realized you had no clue when it comes to parenting skills. As I watched your little boy repeatedly take the candy out of his mouth, drop it, try and pick it up off of the table, smearing sticky residue everywhere, I thought you would certainly see the error of your ways and take your kids off the table, and clean up the sticky mess. But you didn't. No, you picked up the candy from the table and handed it back to your little boy. It was at this time I secretely gave names to your brood. Your boy? I named Dysentary. Your girl? Tick. Now judging by the cleanliness of your stylish wifebeater, I assume you allow your disease infested spawns, after bathing in the toilet, no doubt, run along the top of your dining room table. Thinking further on that, I then came to the conclusion your dining room table is, more than likely, the floor. So, I guess, you are just carrying over your diciplinary skills you from your home to the laundry. Thank you for that.
Oh, but it got better. I knew I was in for a real show of your finely honed parenting skills when you handed your daughter an open bag of Doritos. When you daughter took the bag, ate some Doritos, a not uncommen snack in your family judging from you famly's size, and then threw the bag onto the counter, thereby spreading Dorritos over the counter, I felt the power of your parenting skills. Fortunetly, I was done folding my clothes (on the other table), and left. But I must thank you for showing me I need to bring some all purpose spray cleaner with me on my next laundry trip so I can be sure I do not fold my clean clothes on any surface your family has been near.

Thank you,



Blogger Mike said...

Ye gods! It sounds like you chose a Tenderloin laundry. Where were you?

5:59 PM  

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