Gavin Newsom, Ted Haggard: Life's A Bitch

Wow. Gavin Newsom is going to undergo treatment for alcohol addiction. My cynicism with regard to politics tells me we will soon hear, as a way to skirt any real responsibility, that Newsom was either:

A) Abused as a child
B) A child of alcoholics
C) Molested by his parish priest
D) All of the above

And praise the lord and pass the meth, Ted Haggard is cured of being a flippen flamin' fag! After trying to become a hetero his whole life, he is cured in three weeks! That's some ex-gay therapy they got up in Colorado.

I wonder if they can cure me of my cynicism.